Me at Thirty. (Three)

Its kind of hard to believe!  I don't know dudes.  I don't know about 33...

I notice more changes.  Mostly on my face.  My wrinkles have set in deeper.  And new little ones appear every day, it seems.  I have more days where I feel older, and my body aches when I get out of bed in the morning. I feel like I'll never catch up on sleep.  But I guess all that is just part of getting older.  Its just weird that it's actually happening to ME.  Like, I'm not supposed to get old... ?  And I'm not even OLD yet!  It feels that way sometimes though.

I need to have the same attitude as my mom.  She has said once or twice, "I earned each and every one of these wrinkles!"  That's how I should look at it.  The journal that my body has kept is like a badge of honor... A reminder of all things life.

The laugh lines are from the many joys that I've experienced.  I smile with my eyes and boy, does it show.  Tyra Banks calls it smizing, so I guess I'm kind of hip.

The sun spots are from lazy days on the beach.  Some of my best days were spent on the beach or just playing outside.  Happy, happy memories.

The rough spots on my feet are from the countless miles I have walked and all the places my feet have touched.  They have walked cities and countries and have taken me on the greatest adventures.

The chin wrinkles are probably from ugly crying.  Whether from heartbreak or being a dramatic teenager.  The ugly cry happens and my chin quivers and shakes and wrinkles up.

My least favorite right now are the forehead wrinkles.  They are a reminder of tougher times.  Or maybe from watching too many intense TV shows where I furrow my brow.  But those ones have really set in deep this year.  No amount of anti-wrinkle cream can tackle them.  At least they can be covered by bangs!

The stretch marks... oh, the stretch marks.  From my sweet boy.

My weak knees are from long jogs on cold mornings.  Which, surprisingly, I learned to love.

My backaches - well that must be from carrying around all this love.  {Not to mention a 24 pound baby.}  Can't really complain about that.

And of course my hands.  They display my wedding ring.  They take a million photos.  And although they are constantly chipped, my nails are polished & colorful.

Do you know how hard it was not to edit the crap outta these pics??

I have a full life.  I love many things about it.  There are things I wish were different, but not many.  If the next 33 years are anything like the first, I'll be in good shape.  And really, they will probably be better because I'm a wiser person now and I think I value the things that are truly important in life.  And I will continue to be grateful every single day for those truly important things.  And all the fun little filler things too.

Cheers to THIRTY! (Three)

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13 Months

I wasn't going to do a 13 Month update and just wait for 18 Months, but so much has happened just since he turned 1!  He learned to sit himself up about a week after his birthday.  It was so cute and he literally mastered it overnight, like it was the easiest thing in the world.  We sometimes laugh when we find him sitting up in his crib refusing to take a nap.  He looks right into the video monitor as if he knows we are watching - but he eventually loses that battle every time.  He has 9 teeth now, including his 1-year molar.  That one was a bitch coming in though, I tell you what!  Huge black and blue blister for over a month.  Oh, it looked awful.  I touched it once and it gave me the willies.  He understands when we ask him "What does the kitty say?" in English and Armenian.  He doesn't know how to say "MEOW", but he makes this high pitched squeak every time we ask.  We are working on dog (shoonig) and cow (gov) and monkey (gabig) too.  He's showing a lot more interest in toys.  They don't keep him occupied for very long, but at least he's grabbing things and showing signs of curiosity now.  He will go out of his way to reach the iPhone or remote control though.  He learned to wave "hi" and it's just about the cutest thing on the planet.  And the biggest news came just about a week ago when he finally crawled!  I'm not gonna lie, I teared up as he made his way across the living room.  I was so proud of him! He's been working so hard at it for months and months and months, and then it just happened.  A relief for sure, but now I know I'm in for it with him being able to get around!  Look at this little guy go!

Cute wave!

Exciting times, my friends!  I didn't know my voice could go that high.

25 Ways To Know You're Such a Mom

Someone shared this link with me pointing out that I'm totally #20 & #3.  What they didn't realize is I relate to a lot more of these than they thought!  I'm sure most moms can.  So I wanted to share the ones I totally get,  plus add a couple of my own...

1. When you're kid throws up, you hold out your hands to catch it. Gross.
2. You pick someone else's boogers and it's no big deal.  Also gross.  {And not only is it no big deal to me, but I see it as a huge accomplishment.  As if I performed surgery or something.  Very satisfying to clear out booger town.)
3. "What kind of poop was it?" counts as stimulating conversation.
4. Your pets that you love so much all of a sudden drive you crazy.
5. You clench your nether regions before you sneeze, so you don't pee.
6. You eat rogue food from the floor and don't even bother to see if anyone's looking.
7. The last thing you do on vacation is relax.
8. When you check on the baby, you crawl into the room army style so they don't see you and want to be picked up.
9. You literally cry over spilled breast milk.
10. If you happen to cry over said milk, you dry your tears with the nearest dirty burp cloth.  Ew.
11. You will drive around the neighborhood for an hour, just so you don't have to wake the baby up.
12. You find poop under your fingernail (or yogurt in your hair) and wonder how long it's been there.
13. Sometimes just getting ready for the day feels like a huge accomplishment.
14. When you hear a baby crying three aisles down at the store, you start swaying as if you're rocking them.
15. You catch yourself singing Sesame Street songs even when the kid isn't around.
16. When you squeeze your boobs in public to see how full they are.
17. When you tell others they should feel your boobs too because it's unbelievable how huge they are!
18. You'll be kissing your husband and have to finish it with a silly noise or raspberry.
19. The fact that you forgot to bring the binky to the grocery store with you sends you into a horrible panic.
20. When you make up the most ridiculous songs for every occasion.  Bathtime, diaper change, eating, etc.
21. You are desperate for the baby to take a nap, and when he finally does, you get bored and want him to get up soon. (This has only happened to me once or twice.  I love naptime.  But it has happened.)
22. Surprisingly, you can pick up a lot of things with your feet!
23. You sniff the baby's butt to see if the diaper is dirty.
24. Your car is no longer your car.  It has been taken over by toys, extra clothes & diapers, food, etc.
25. You can update your blog or edit a few photos, navigating the mouse and keyboard with only your left hand so you can hold the munchkin.

I'm not saying all of these are good qualities, or that I'm excited about doing all these things - but sometimes you do what you gotta do.  And these are just things I've done in the first year.  So I'm guessing this list is a work in progress...

Bedroom Spice Rack

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm basically a genius.

I didn't get this idea from a blog or from Pinterest, I came up with it all by myself, much to my own surprise.  Although I'm sure it could be out there somewhere.  And I blame Pinterest for fueling my need to share it with the world.

So let me tell you about The Bedroom Spice Rack!

For my friend's bridal shower, I bought a 12 bottle spice rack at Bed, Bath & Beyond, dumped all the spices out, and stuffed the jars with Victoria's Secret undies!  Then I found a sexy silhouette from Google Images and whipped up this label for the box:

And voila!  The Bedroom Spice Rack.  It was totally the hit of the shower.  If I had thought of it earlier and had more time, I would've made labels for each jar.  But this was totally last minute, so I did what I could.  I would also try and spend less money.  It wasn't a cheap gift.  Thank goodness Victoria's Secret was in the midst of their Semi-Annual Sale. That at least saved me a couple bucks.

Let's pin this, shall we?

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Fake Snow Day

The Armenian Relief Society (which my husband's mother was active in for many, many years) held a fundraiser carnival today.  We heard there was going to be snow, so I thought we should check it out.  At least we could get a couple cute pictures.  It was probably more trouble than it was worth, but we did it anyway.

My Instagr.am followers will see I kept the black fur boots!

Oh these glasses!

Everything in the mouth.  EVERYTHING.

Proud Papa

There was a patch of snow about 15 feet wide, and there were about 50 maniacal kids running around, and we waited in line for a long time.  So we weren't really having as much fun as it looks, but we are good at having fake fun in the fake snow!  Woo hoo!

Stevie Loves

I had elaborate plans for Stephen's one year old photo.  Balloons, outfits, the park, perfect lighting.  It was going to be magnificent.  But today, I realized if I wanted to stick with these big plans, I was never actually going to get the photo done.  So I grabbed some leftover material for a backdrop, put him in something clean, moved some furniture out of the way, and did an impromptu shoot right in the dining room.  And I'm glad I didn't try to make a bigger thing than it needed to be, because most of the photo shoot looked like this:

 

If I had spent a ton of time and energy on this project, only to have him cry the whole time, I would've been really annoyed and frustrated.  But we took our time and he got some emotional support from Elmo.

Then with a little luck and some peek-a-boo, I was able to get one smile - out of like 100 pictures.  So here we have it.  Stevie's One Year Photo.  {Drum roll please}

TA-DAAAAAA!!!!

Eye Surgery Postponed

After a handful of pre-op appointments and lots of phone calls and scheduling and faxes to and from different doctors and specialists to prepare for surgery on Monday morning, I just got a phone call telling me his eye surgery needs to be postponed.

The anesthesiologist reviewed his chart and doesn't feel comfortable working on Stephen in the outpatient area.  He wants to book him in the OR instead {just in case something goes wrong}.  That way they won't have to truck him very far.

But the OR is booked until Feb 20th.  And I'm leaving town for a few days on the 24th, so I didn't feel comfortable going anywhere that close to a surgery date {also just in case something goes wrong}.  So we are now scheduled for March 19th.

Part of me is a little disappointed, because I was ready to get this over with. And I'm so ready for this poor boy to see straight!  But I realize it's for the best.  And I'm glad the anesthesiologist is doing his job and taking proper precautions.

We'll hope when the time comes, there are no complications. He can live with strabismus {fancy for crossed eyeballs} for another 2 months.

Drama

Can this day be over now?

To make me feel better, here are some pics from Disneyland!

Ah, doesn't that feel better?

Tired.

I think the last few months have officially caught up to me.

Thankfully, I'm getting more sleep as of late, but the last few days it doesn't seem to matter how much sleep I get.  I've even squeezed in a few afternoon naps here and there.  I've started exercising again and eating better.  (The holidays were good to my belly, but not good for the scale!)

I'm still tired.  

The last time I felt like this was awhile back when I had started taking a new allergy medication.  It made me sleepy and depressed.  Once I figured out what it was, I was back to myself in 2 days.  But I'm not on any meds now.  Maybe I should be...  Or maybe it's a post-holiday depression.  Does anyone get that?  Aren't most people glad when the holidays are over?

I just feel old and wrinkly and worn out and... old... and tired.

Hoping I'll snap out of it really soon.

P.S. Stevie had a pre-op today with the ophthalmologist.  We are a go for next week to fix those crossed little eyeballs. More to come on that one.

1 Year Later

One year ago today, we were in a very different place.

Children's Hospital.

My husband and I were on no sleep.  And just waiting. Stephen was undergoing the 1st of his open heart surgeries.

The day before, we had found out that he had a congenital heart defect and the doctors whisked him from my arms into the NICU.  One minute, he was doing the things a 2 week old does.  The next, he was hooked up to countless tubes and wires and medicated into sleep.  I will never forget the moment I first laid eyes on him like that.  It truly took my breath away.  We could barely look at him.  It was just so unreal.  We were so afraid.  He was so small.  Even looking at the pictures now is difficult.  Doctors and surgeons kept introducing themselves and explaining things to us.  I barely remember them at all.  And yet, Stevie's life depended on them.

And our lives depended on his survival.

As his mother, I wondered why I didn't know something was wrong.  Where was my motherly instinct?  How could something so major go unnoticed?  Not that it mattered anymore.  All that mattered was that we figured out the problem before it was too late.  And now we had the opportunity to fix it and let our son live his life.

We felt a huge weight off of our shoulders when the surgeon came in and told us that the surgery had been a success.  And a huge pit in our stomachs when he told us that the baby had gone into cardiac arrest and would need to be taken back to the OR.  The darkness that overcame me at that point was indescribable.  I would never wish that feeling on anyone.  Nor do I ever want to feel that way again.  I felt like his luck had run out.  I kept imagining the worst.  Thank God the surgeons were on their game. They were experienced and knew what to do.  The incomparable Dr. Wells came in two hours later and told us they had figured out the problem.  They had saved his life.

Again.

We couldn't wait to see Stevie!  It would be several days before we could even hold him, but being by his bedside was all that mattered.  I remember he would do little things, like suck on his bottom lip - and that was a huge relief for me.  These little signs of life.  Oh, they were everything!  And when he started waking up more and fighting with the nurses, well, we just knew this feisty little turd would be back in action in no time at all.

For the anniversary of that day, we had to celebrate.  Celebrate that Stephen survived all the things his little champion heart had been through.  We wanted to take him somewhere special.  Can you think of any place better?

I am so grateful we made it through this year.  To see Stevie grow and progress is even more sweet now, when we imagine what could have been.  It hasn't been easy.  But we feel so blessed.  In so many ways.  This has kept us humble and has been a huge learning experience.  We are eternally thankful to all the people who have contributed in any way - big or small - to his life, and our lives.  We couldn't have done it without them.  And every single person holds a special place in my heart.  Even if I don't remember their names.

Things I Learned In 2011

1) Botox and boob jobs. I've always been against them. Not that I'm gonna do it, but I'll just say "I get it now."

2) Low rise jeans are sexy. But I'm a grown ass woman. High rise jeans stay up and hide muffin tops.

3) I get along really well with girls named Stacey/Stacy/Stacie. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that I used to wish my name was Stacey. (Stacey McGill to be exact. Yes, I just made a Babysitter's Club reference.)

4) I have less and less tolerance for rude/judgmental/ignorant people.  There's too much mean in the world.  Let's be nice to each other.

5) I'm crazy about my husband.  That has always been true.  But now I'm even more crazy about him as a Father.

6) Babies.  I've learned a lot about babies.

7) A dark chocolate and Diet Coke overdose may be the death of me.

8) Cereal can sometimes be the best dinner.

9) Pinterest.  Wow.  All the things I never knew I wanted to do in one place.

10) Since I got through 2011 and didn't take up drinking, I now know I get through pretty much anything.  ...And pass me a margarita.

11) When my mother told me "the laundry never ends", she really wasn't kidding.

12) When I step on the scale with my right foot, it shows I weigh 2 pounds less than when I step on with my left.  I CHOOSE THE RIGHT!

13)  No one will EVER give me a good enough reason why gay people shouldn't be allowed to get married.

14) A non-sleep lifestyle was only sustainable in my early 20's. In my 30's, I now need 9 hours just to function.  And I rarely get that.  So I'm just exhausted, like all the time.

15) Learning who your true friends are is a lesson that is ever changing.

16) I still don't get Twitter.