Leaving Him...

Tonight, my husband and I decided we had to get some sleep. In our own bed. And I thought I'd be fine with that decision.

Until 11pm rolled around and I actually had to leave my little boy's side.

I cried significantly less today as the newness of all this settles in. But as I had to say good-night and let go of his tiny hand and walk out the CTICU and down to the car, I cried like a big baby all over again. I know he is in good hands - and there should be very little change tonight and tomorrow - but it was just hard to leave the little man there. I miss him so damn much! He has not been in our lives for very long, but has obviously made a huge impact. I can't wait to see his little personality come back.

We picked up in such a hurry the other day, our house got left just as it was at that moment. There are half drunken glasses of water, half folded loads of laundry, and bills that almost got sent out. I suspect these things won't get taken care of right away, but that's OK. My thoughts are somewhere else. The house is also filled with baby things, which in some ways sucks and in other ways is comforting. I'm glad when he comes home, we will be ready for him. His things will be here. He will be comfortable.

I hope we can sleep tonight, but I also hope Stevie knows that we're with him all the time. Even when we're not. XOXO.

Holding Daddy's hand after surgery. His chest is covered because they haven't sewn him up yet. It is hard for us to see that, but it's also part of who he is now. And his scar will be a reminder of how lucky we are that he's still with us. Cutest li'l heart-breaker in the whole place!