Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Bumps in the Road

Today I got a bit of a reality check.  And I did not really like it.

We all know that Stephen is behind is his development.  We expected this, because of how many crucial developing days he was stuck in a hospital bed.  I have mostly been concerned about his lack of communication and the fact that he is not walking yet.  But to keep myself from stressing about it, I steered clear of all the books and articles that told you what milestones your baby "should be" hitting.  It just made me worry and I knew there was nothing I could do to speed things up for him.  When we would go to the park or the doctor's office, I could clearly see he wasn't doing things that other babies were doing.  But again, it was ok.  He has to do it on his own time.

Well, today I had a phone interview with a Regional Center to try and get Stevie some assistance and push his development a little further.  Because I haven't been keeping up with the milestones thing, it came as a complete shock to me to hear the things he was supposed to be doing at his age.

Does he drink from a cup?
Does he use a spoon to feed himself?
Does he take off his own shoes?
Does he take baby steps if you hold his hands?
Does he say Mama/Dada?
Does he say any words?
Does he nod yes/no?
Does he point to things he wants?
Does he explore things and try to figure them out?
Does he copy other children?
Does he bring objects to show you?
Does he interact with other children?
Does he stack toys or items?

The list went on.

And I had to answer NO to every single one of the questions.

With each no, it stung a little.  I felt a little sadder and a little more like I was failing.

I cried for a few minutes and then tried to remind myself that this was a good thing.  We are figuring it out.  Or at least trying to.

I don't know if he will get accepted into the Regional Center program but we have a home assessment coming up.  We'll know more as the month goes on.  If he is not accepted into Regional Center, we will look into some other options.  But either way, we will try and work with people who can help him.  I wish just being his mom was enough.  But sometimes, sadly, its not.

His goofy smile makes me feel a little better.

Please tell me that he will be OK while I drown my sorrows in this here Diet Coke.


5 comments:

Lori Romney said...

You seem like such a great mother! My heart aches for you and I don't even know you, but I am sitting here bawling for you. Love is enough! Love is all we have sometimes. He will be ok. You will be ok. Everyone has struggles in different areas of life. Feel peace in knowing that people who have children who are hitting every single milestone when they should are struggling in different areas of life. Steven is lucky to have you and you are lucky to have him.

Susannah Blakey said...

Oh no! You are an awesome mom Jaana. Don't question that. Stephen will pull through this, he is a strong little man! Drink your Diet Coke and feel better.

Krista said...

:( sissy! you are doing so much for this stinkin' kid! i think you are a better mom than a lot of people because of the things that you guys have gone through. i love you!

Alicia said...

I know you as a killer, funny roommate year and years ago, but I know enough to know that you are also a killer mom. I just read this wonderful quote about being a mom and seriously, it has hit home to me a lot these last few days. It's religious, but I think it still rings true whatever your faith is.

“You are doing God's work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you, and He will bless you, --even--no, -especially--when your days and your nights may be most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master's garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and weep over their responsibility as mothers, `Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.' And it will make your children whole as well.”
― Jeffrey R. Holland

Anyway, I love you. You are awesome and so is your little, darling family.

Anonymous said...

I see this face and I just want to squeeze his cheeks and say SQUISHY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:) <3 him and <3 you!

Let's hit the park SOON! Like before my pass expires in Oct. ok?